My Vessel is My Shelter
by Mama uchiha
Summary: Castiel has pushed his only friends away in the pursuit of destroying Raphael. Alone and with the weight of his guilt tearing him slowly, he hopes to seek comfort in the only person who can't leave him...
1. Chapter 1

It was sudden.

How is all this possible: He (Jimmy Novak) was suddenly separate from Castiel; had his own body but Castiel still his mirror image—well, not completely a mirror image. Yes, they looked identical, of course, but Jimmy was himself before the possession: Pale (in comparison to the light tan that Castiel had given himself) and a bit thin compared to the angel's form.

_What. How is this even—why?_

Before he took opportunity to ask, Castiel raised a hand. "This is far more complex to explain than you could ever fathom. I need you to—"

Jimmy narrowed his eyes, his voice, angry "Where are we?" The room was dark, lit by few candles near what was a poor excuse for a bed (a couple blankets thrown to substitute a mattress, and a pillow). The candles surrounded symbols on the floor. It was dark outside; clearly, a very late hour.

Castiel replied, with a sigh "It's not important."

Jimmy shook his head in disbelief. "I didn't want to be conscious after my second possession, Castiel—I thought I made that clear? Why are you doing this?"

The angel looked to the floor, his shoulders drooping, head hanging, and he stood silently. He looked defeated—tired. Above all…hurt.

Concerned, Jimmy closed in and gently placed a hand on Castiel's shoulder. The angel raised his eyes, blue in color, exactly like his own. The faint light flickered on them. It was a wounded stare.

A glint from a corner of the room caught Novak's attention. It occurred to him that they were somewhere familiar.

_Did Cas frequent this place while Jimmy was playing vessel?_

The reflection came from Castiel's dagger. Since it was thrown carelessly on the floor, he gathered that there was no immediate danger.

_So, then…why?_

A thump snapped Jimmy back into focus. Cas had planted himself on the floor. He raised his head to stare at Jimmy. "I—have betrayed the last friends I had on both heaven and earth. Tell me, Jimmy—where does a lone, wanted, fallen angel run—and to who?" Castiel stared blankly into the wall behind Jimmy. "I bet my father has forsaken me."

Novak sighed, staring at the symbols beside him. The symbols looked as if they were painted with blood. He shrugged, a little uneasy and shook his head. "I-I don't know," he replied.

"I was just trying to be of service. Father's will is for us to care for humans—Dean's will is the same, with the exception of holding his brother higher than the majority—even to that, I complied. Yet—how is it that when I needed the support and help…" Castiel narrowed his eyes, concentrating on the wall. "…that was my mistake." He closed his eyes, looking as though he were in pain. "I'm an angel," he sighed. "I was created to assist and aid; to serve, not be served. I assume father does not receive help from anyone, as well." He shook his head, not wanting to accept the words. "It's just how things are. Now that I've broken order by stopping the apocalypse, I'm left with the responsibility of creating my own destiny…this is a heavy burden—it's as if I carry the weight of not only the world, but heaven. Just so this newly attained freedom can strive."

At this point, Jimmy realized that both he and Castiel had sacrificed everything for what was said to be a higher cause. Both had lost friends and family, their identity, and their original beliefs (which left them without any ground to stand on). His sympathy for the angel deepened.

"Castiel," Jimmy called. The angel immediately looked to him, following his movements with a longing stare. A little surprised at the sudden reaction, he halted—but soon presumed to kneel between the angel's thighs. Castiel stared intensely, pleading for comfort.

"It seems we've both condemned ourselves to solitude."

The angel slowly averted his eyes, disappointed by the response.

"But…we can't lose faith. How is it that you could still have me, and look—"Jimmy cupped Castiel's cheek, "I'm tangible."

Castiel stared at him, and Jimmy continued. "You're not alone—not really; you weren't forsaken, Castiel," He said as he rested his forehead on the angel's. "You brought me out for company, right?" He laughed softly. "I hope I didn't disappoint."

Castiel just stared into his eyes. He lowered his gaze to Novak's lips. The warmth emitting seemed inviting, but he could only wonder why.

Jimmy flushed, realizing how close they were and though it had now become awkward for him, he couldn't break the moment of having finally eased the angel. He swallowed due to the tension. "Uh—"he choked.

The angel only held his stare.

_Does he want a kiss? Should I…? I mean—who would know, right…? _Jimmy couldn't deny that he was definitely feeling the need to seal this talk with a kiss.

He quickly put distance between them. The angel stared at him, looking him over, trying to find a reason for the sudden jerk.

After a moment of awkward silence (the awkward only being felt by Jimmy), he slowly raised both arms and inched closer to Castiel. His movement lagged, but eventually, he placed his hands at Castiel's shoulders. He hung his head in shame and looked to the ground, gulped again and tried to ease his grip.

Castiel sat in silence, still questioning Jimmy's actions with the tilt of his head and a confused stare.

The candle light burned in the darkness with an amber hue, creating a comforting, lazy ambience—it calmed Jimmy.

He raised his head, but kept his eyes lowered and slowly ran a hand up the angel's neck, brushing gingerly with his fingertips. His fingers made their way into Castiel's hair.

It was odd to think he was actually stroking himself—well, his physical self. It was also strange to be caressing his hair, because he had never focused on it. Surprisingly, the short tufts were still soft. He pulled lightly on them to arch Castiel's head towards the ceiling. Slowly, he raised his eyes, meeting Castiel (who hadn't stopped staring at Jimmy—regardless of the position his head had been pulled). Jimmy moved to stand on his knees.

Now hovering over Castiel's face, he cupped the angel's cheeks and tilted his own head slightly. Jimmy could feel the angel's light breathing. He closed his eyes and the space between their lips.

Castiel allowed himself to indulge in the gentle sensation.

Pulling slightly on the angel's lips, Jimmy released the kiss. The sound of releasing the gentle skin made him shudder. He stared at Castiel, desperately. He hadn't felt such intimate contact in so long…He wanted more.

The angel sat there. His body suspended, waiting to receive. He was dead weight beneath Jimmy, but his eyes revealed a hunger he wasn't aware of; their pale-blue color intensified by the candle's light.

Jimmy tilted his head to the opposite direction, running his lips over Castiel's as he did so, and he gently kissed him again.

Castiel parted his lips, his breathing growing harder. Jimmy's body now trembled with anticipation. He seized the opportunity to lightly run his tongue over the parted lips, lapping at the lower half, gently. He entered the gap to glide their tongues against each other.

Finally catching rhythm, Castiel kissed back. They nipped hungrily at each other's lips, slowly intensifying the contact: Jimmy's hand pulled lightly at Castiel's hair, tongues running against each other in between kisses, and their bodies rubbing together, creating warmth—Jimmy used his free hand to swoop Castiel into him, bringing their chests close.

Castiel gripped onto Novak's hips, sending a shock throughout his body. Jimmy gasped. Castiel, taking note of the sensitive area, dug his nails into him and thrust his lower half forward. Jimmy stifled a moan and responded by roughly kissing the angel, tugging at his hair to assume control.


	2. Chapter 2

_That he once had a former life wasn't his concern anymore. It mattered, every experience, but the chances of ever returning to his once stable world—those chances didn't exist. In all actuality, Jimmy had decided, that very moment (when he traded his body for the freedom of his daughter), that he wouldn't continue the pursuit of attaining his former reality. It would only cause his family danger, Sam had bluntly revealed. It was a realization, making him accept that he was condemned to his decision…_

Jimmy was thrust down onto the blankets, followed by Castiel's hard kiss. A leg went in-between his thighs, rubbing his groins—the friction, an intense pleasure. Warm tongues met again—just barely, before another hard kiss was initiated. The angel pinned Jimmy's arms to his sides; Jimmy surrendering completely.

The hunger in Castiel grew immensely. With a gruff moan, he pulled at the softness between his lips. He became frustrated, wanting more but not knowing how to feed his desire.

The kissing subsided, and they breathed on each other's mouths. The warmth of their breath caused Jimmy to shudder. It tingled on his lips, teasing his body by giving rise to goose bumps.

_My vessel…_Castiel thought, and he pulled away to marvel at Jimmy. He stared, but once again became frustrated.

Jimmy blushed, suddenly realizing how exposed Castiel was making him under the wandering gaze.

"Uh—," Jimmy choked. "Is-is there something wrong, Cas—"

"I have to apologize," The angel responded, leaving Jimmy confused. "I don't know what I want to do with your body—I…" His face grew more apparent with frustration as he narrowed his eyes.

Castiel implying that he had decided to assume control (in other words, top him) had his heart racing. If he wasn't flushed enough, he sure was, now.

"I do know that I want to pleasure you—you've given me so much…I want to appreciate you; I want you to feel at peace." Castiel whispered, "Tell me how…" and trailed his fingers down Jimmy's body.

Jimmy closed his eyes, allowing himself to drown in the pleasure he felt with the angel's praising. He looked away and brought the back of his hand to shield his embarrassment. Castiel found the gesture odd; a novel reaction to his words. He closed in; only a few inches from Jimmy's face and gazed intensely, once again, admiring the features with anticipation. The angel moved Novak's hand, gently and traced his jaw with kisses.

Still bashful, Jimmy continued to look away but slowly went to his shirt. He unbuttoned it with trembling fingers. Castiel cocked his head and stared, narrowing his eyes. "Why…" The angel asked, trying to create a reason. Jimmy's shirt fell open, revealing his torso. The warm glow of the candlelight softened the appearance of his skin, making it tempting for the angel's mouth. Finally realizing what Jimmy was implying, Castiel brought his lips to the smooth surface. He placed a gentle kiss that made Jimmy breathe in. It sent a pleasurable shock throughout his body. The angel kissed near his navel and sucked on the skin. Jimmy bit his lip at the sensation. He brought a hand to cover his mouth to stop himself from being loud.

Castiel continued his teasing by dragging his lips downward. The feel of Novak's skin was intoxicating. He trembled with desire for his vessel and brought himself back to work on Jimmy's lips. To his surprise, Jimmy roughly kissed back, grasping the angel's hair to deepen the kiss. The noises of their parting lips broke the silence, arousing them. The angel brought his hands to explore the bare skin, and he found Jimmy's nipples. With his thumbs, he gently pressed into them, kneading the skin.

"—ah," Jimmy moaned, suddenly and arched into Castiel's touch. Castiel could feel his breathing start to quicken, and he read that as a good sign (based on his own reactions).

"Haa…touch me," he moaned to Castiel.

The angel cocked his head. "But I am."

"N-no—here, give me your hand."

Castiel complied and watched curiously as Jimmy lead his hand downwards. He had him rub a bulge in-between his groins. The angel could tell that this was pleasuring Jimmy by the way he bit down on his lips and threw his head back into the sheets. He could also feel his legs shaking (surely a sign of intense pleasure). The stifled moans that escaped Jimmy's lips fascinated Castiel, and he watched the writhing body with wonder.

Once he caught rhythm, the angel gently rubbed the area without guidance. Jimmy's hands clenched the sheets as he arched into the touch, biting his lips to try and hold the moans back. But he failed and whimpered; the desire for more had him pleading.

"Oh…fuck me, Castiel."

It didn't matter anymore, who he was, what he had left behind. Why should he turn back now? He needed this; he wanted it. Loneliness, guilt, shame and hate—he knew those all too well; the decisions he made. He wanted to experience trust, pride, joy, comfort and pleasure…He was condemned to his decision—why not to this relationship with Castiel?

He chuckled at the thought. "_I want to have sex with an angel of the lord."_


	3. Chapter 3

Instead of eagerly ripping Jimmy's close off, Castiel narrowed his eyes and cocked his head. "I don't-I don't understand."

Jimmy rolled his eyes, far too impatient and frustrated by the heat in his pants. "Put-put," he stuttered, face flushing further, due to embarrassment. "Put your—"

"Yes?" Castiel questioned.

Jimmy groaned and rubbed his eyes, but his frustration subsided when he realized that Castiel was an angel; he's never heard such an atrocity. He ceased the harsh tone, his eyes softened and he sweetly replied "h-here" and took Castiel's hand. As Jimmy worked to gently guide him, they stared into each other's eyes. They flared with lust; both stares penetrating and brilliantly blue. Castiel's fingers touched his zipper. Jimmy whimpered at the thought and reached forward to suck on Castiel's bottom-lip. The angel's chest indicated that his breathing was beginning to quicken as it pressed into Novak's. Jimmy ripped his hands away to work them into the angel's hair, tugging gently as he took advantage of the panting angel by entering with his tongue and running it along the other's slick muscle.

Castiel kept his fingers gripping the zipper. Still unsure of what this meant, he continued to deepen the kiss between them, using his own tongue. Rubbing Jimmy's hardness, he had a realization: _Maybe he would like it if these touched…maybe that's why he had me do this…_And so he unzipped their pants, earning a gasp from Jimmy. That was all he needed to continue.

He took both of them into his hands and gently stroked. It was explosive.

They moaned into each other's mouths, loudly. Castiel could feel Jimmy's lips trembling, and he was shaking vigorously. The angel's eyes were wide; the pleasure was shocking. He soon collapsed onto Jimmy's chest from the intensity of their warm members rubbing dryly against the other. Jimmy's moans vibrated on his ears. It made him groan.

"Jimmy…I want more."

"Haa…Cas-tiel—please, I want more, too" Jimmy moaned, his neck arching, making his head dig into the sheets.

"Ahn…Tell me, Jimmy. I need to know what else I can do to fuck you."

Jimmy gasped, startled by the words," oh, shit." He arched into Castiel's touch and threw his head back, eyes closed tightly. "Fuck." The dirty words, hearing Castiel cuss, it made his dick twitch in excitement. He shuddered.

"I want," Castiel started, kissing Jimmy on the neck. He sucked aggressively at the skin making it swell into a patch of red. He pulled with his lip and released to hear the sound he found to be addicting; that arousing pop. "To…" He whispered over the bruise, making Jimmy whimper. Slowly, Jimmy moved his hips to keep the motion between their members constant. Castiel lifted Jimmy's shirt, wanting to explore new places he would suck and pull. He took an interest in Jimmy's nipple. He slowly traced it in a circle before running the tip of his tongue upwards to pull at the center. "Nnn," Jimmy vibrated the moan in his throat and threw his head to the side; his hands had fallen by either side of his shoulders, fingers tensing form the pleasure.

"…fuck you." Castiel exhaled warmly over the damp nipple.

"Ohhh," Jimmy moaned loudly and jerked forward. He whimpered through quivering lips. He couldn't take it; he wanted to shove his length into something warm and wet. Aggressively, he gripped Castiel's hair and shoved him downward. He moaned again, feeling Castiel's chin run past his tip. "Oh—j-just p-put it in your mouth already," he whined, feeling his face flushing more and more out of embarrassment.

Castiel, without protest or hindering thought, swallowed the member wholly. Jimmy hissed at the sensation. Castiel choked, but kept to his orders. Jimmy thrust into the wet hole, ignoring Castiel's gagging and roughly took Castiel by the hair to bob his head faster and harder. "Mnnn…" he moaned, clutching the sheets over his head and arching into the angel's mouth, satisfied with the intensity that had his body trembling.

Castiel coughed over and over, drooling heavily, but he continued, wanting to please his vessel. His eyes were flowing with tears from the harsh action. He felt his concentration slipping.

"ah!" Jimmy yelped. Castiel shot up, saliva trickling down his lips, a string of it hanging from them and attached to the tip of Jimmy's dick. "I-I apologize. Did I hurt you?" Castiel's teeth had accidently met the fragile skin.

Jimmy collapsed onto the floor and chuckled. He released Castiel's head to rub his eyes. "No, it's okay." He sat up on his elbows to stare at the angel. Those wide blue eyes met him with concern. He smiled at him, his own face was warm and his eyes were lazily kept open. "Besides, I was getting carried away." Castiel nodded and looked down at the slick member. He kissed it at the tip, gently and began to suck lightly. Jimmy's mouth parted as he began panting. The site was intoxicating. He realized, though, that Castiel was ignoring himself; Jimmy could see his dick twitching beneath him.

"Mn—C-Cas-tiel, s-stop," Jimmy stifled. The angel looked up, confused. "Come here," Jimmy pleaded and tugged at the angel's tie, slowly bringing him close to his face. They kissed softly as Jimmy slowly removed his pants and boxers. He pulled Castiel by the lips as he laid his back to the floor. His legs wrapped around the angel. "Give me your fingers," he breathed onto their lips. Castiel watched intently as Jimmy sucked on his index and middle finger. He licked between them, tracing the bone and sucking the tips. A corner of his mouth revealed saliva running down to his chin, making Castiel moan. His dick twitched again.

Jimmy stopped to look. The fingers dripped with saliva. Satisfied, he guided them towards his entrance. "I want you to stick them inside, okay? –B-but—do it gently, please." Castiel nodded lazily, his eyes clouded; he was lost in the haze. Jimmy took the angel's member into his hand as the other hand brought Castiel deeper into their kiss. Those lovely sounds could be heard again, making Castiel's member slick with cum. Jimmy took the opportunity to lubricate Castiel with it.

He could feel the fingers prodding gently inside of him. He took a moment to breathe out onto Castiel's lips. "Ahh…"The new sensation was exciting. Slowly, they dipped into him, deeper and deeper. Castiel moaned at the tightness around his fingers.

"Mn…Put it in me," Jimmy said, tugging at Castiel's length, making the angel gasp.

Slowly, his length was surrounded by warmth; skin, wrapping itself around him, pulsing. "Ah…" Castiel moaned. His body trembled and Jimmy clenched Castiel's coat, twisting the material and grabbing hold of the shirt underneath. He pulled him closer, deeper into their kiss. Tongues sloppily played in the haze. Castiel pushed down on Jimmy's thighs, spreading him wider allowing his member to push into the tightness. The stinging pain had Jimmy suddenly biting at the angel's lips, to keep from pushing Castiel away. He bruised the lips, sucking harshly. Castiel was too lost in the pulsating warmth at his base to even care.

"Ahn—p-pull out a bit" Jimmy instructed, moaning into Castiel's mouth when he felt the tug as Castiel pulled out. The warmth of his breath covered the angel's tongue. Castiel moaned and jerked backwards, pulling faster than expected. Jimmy hissed at the movement.

"If it is painful—"

"No, no. Goodness, no. D-deeper, again."

Castiel pushed into him, gently. He rested his forehead on Jimmy's and stared at him, their lids half-way closing from the ecstasy. Jimmy hung his arms, lazily over the back of the angel's neck. He stared, too, eyes flinching as the stinging sensation returned, though not as painful.

He breathed out, "Pull out again." Castiel indulged in the sensation of warm, slick skin wrapping tightly around, pulling at his length as he moved backward once more. He sucked on Jimmy's lips, to match the feeling. Jimmy moaned. "Pound it into me, Castiel. Fuck me."

Castiel moaned, now associating the true definition with the sensations of Jimmy's tightness violently pulling and jerking at his length. Suddenly, he bucked his hips forward, pounding deep into that warmth.

"Ah!" Jimmy shouted, clutching the sheets. Castiel gasped, fully engulfed. A delicious sound of skin to skin made his body tremble. He pushed Jimmy's thighs further back, recklessly stretching the entrance and hungrily pounded into him again, wanting that delicious sound to fill the air. Jimmy twitched beneath him. He was feeling the pleasure, climbing throughout his body, making his skin perspire, and a moan caught in his throat. Again, he pulled out swiftly to thrust into him. Jimmy's walls roughly jerked his length, wrapping his base, balls slapping onto skin, filling the air with the delicious noise.

"Ah, ah! Castiel, Castiel!" Jimmy yelled as his body was shoved into the floor by Castiel's pounding.

"Is-this-how-you-wanted-me-to-fuck-you," Castiel panted, his response stifled.

"Yes! Ohh—harder! Fuck me, Castiel! Fuck me, harder!"

"Hng," Castiel choked, feeling a frighteningly overwhelming climax. "Ah, ah, Jimmy! I feel-I'm afraid—"

"Ahn! It's okay, it's okay, let go. Let go," Jimmy panted, kissing the angel roughly.

Castiel's shallow thrusts were sending him over the edge. "AHHH," the angel moaned loudly into Jimmy's mouth. He sunk his fingernails into Jimmy's thighs as he rode the climax. Jimmy reached his peak as the warmth spilled inside and Castiel's throbbing penis thumped the very back of his walls. He threw his head back and pulled at Castiel's hair, choking on his moans.

Their silhouettes danced on the wall, as the candle-light flickered. Chests heaved against each other as they panted loudly. Castiel let himself fall onto Jimmy, to rest his head (still spinning from the relief). Jimmy ran his fingers through Castiel's hair, gently massaging the tufts between his fingers.

"I hope I pleased you," Castiel spoke softly, voice hoarse as always, "because your company was no disappointment, Jimmy Novak."

Jimmy laughed. "You pleased me a lot more than you expected to, Castiel."


End file.
